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Not Yer Ordinary Trailer Trash
Welcome to the "Trailer Trash Times", the offishal publication of In The Pines Trailer Park. We hope we entertain ya and keep you up to date on all the goin ons about here. We hope ya read ar "electronic" paper often, and that you contribute when ya got som'tin to offer. Look around, we have a bunch of funny stuff, at least a laugh on every page. You can read about our staff HERE
We hope, with all our hearts, that no one is truly offended by our webpage, the title, or any of the content, as it is all meant to be fun and satirical. We make no claim to authorship, except for the comments of our staff, and most, if not all the content was snatched off the net. These are articles and jokes that have touched our hearts or made us laugh. If we publish something of yours, please let us know, and we’ll make sure you get credit.
If you have something you would like to submit, call Edna Ann at 850-522-0156. We welcome any and all contributions.
The Trailer Trash Times is a weekly publication, available at finer businesses everywhere. Our street address is: 6808 Highway 2301, Panama City, Fl. 23404. But rite real slow, cause we cain’t read real fast. You may also reach us at 850-522-0156, or at www.trailertrashtimes.com.
May you be blessed, and inspired. |
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Find The Queen Of Your Doublewide
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Join Our T-Shirt Club
Join our T-Shirt Club. Twice a month, around the 15th and 30th, you'll receive our brand new T-Shirt of the week. (yes, brand new, not one of the Jr. Jr. recycled yard sale ones, ). Our Trashy shirts have an attitude, are sure to bring you scorn and are great conversation starters. Branded with our logo, folks will know for sure that you ain't no ordinary "Trailer Trash".
Membership in the club is only 24.99 per month. With it, you'll get a bunch of bonuses during the course of your subscription. For more information, visit our FAQ page here.This shirt will be mailed out on the 30th of December, 2008.
T-Shirt Of The Week
Didn't Care Yesterday
Don't Care Today
Won't Care Tomorrow
Show your attitude with this shirt from direct from our store. Printed on a 50/50 preshrunk T-shirt in your choice of color for only $14.99. (shipping and handling is included.)
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 A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke
the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
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Posted by Michael on Friday, December 05 @ 17:11:04 CST (66 reads)
(comments? | Score: 0) |
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A woman in her eighties is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of sixty years. She can’t live without him and decides that the best way to be with him is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn’t want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.
He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.
Later that night the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches on the elderly woman’s left knee.
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Posted by Michael on Friday, December 05 @ 16:22:34 CST (53 reads)
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A man owned a small ranch in Texas. The Texas Wage & Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent."
"Well," replied the rancher, "There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night."
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the rancher.
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Posted by Michael on Friday, December 05 @ 15:46:46 CST (63 reads)
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The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows
them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking
sticks. Finally, they get to the back of
the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse
me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
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Posted by Michael on Sunday, November 30 @ 09:25:42 CST (77 reads)
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| How to translate ''Woman Speak'' |
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9 words women say
1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dress ed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house .
3.) Nothng : This is the calm before the storm .
This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission . Don' t Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non- verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she think s you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.
6.) Thats Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man.
That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint . Just say you' re welcome.
8.) Whatever : Is a women 's way of saying F@!K YOU! (Ha ha so true! )
9.) Don' t worry about it, I'll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times , but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ' What' s wrong ?' For the woman 's response refer to #3.
Then you RUN!
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Posted by Cletus on Friday, October 24 @ 11:03:29 CDT (82 reads)
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I was driving down the road, when I saw this billboard:
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawn mower.
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Posted by Michael on Wednesday, September 24 @ 21:44:09 CDT (99 reads)
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At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one!
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don' t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or Superman.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Posted by Michael on Thursday, September 18 @ 11:36:19 CDT (85 reads)
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I had a minor medical problem so my doctor referred me to a female urologist.
I saw her yesterday. She is absolutely gorgeous and unbelievably sexy.
The first thing she told me is that I have to stop masturbating.
When I asked her why she said, '' Because I'm trying to examine you.......''
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Posted by Michael on Wednesday, September 17 @ 17:55:55 CDT (79 reads)
(comments? | Score: 0) |
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| The Trailer Park Gas Station |
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The gas station in front of the trailer park was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up". Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank,and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8,and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story,and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged ---- my wife won twice last week."
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Posted by Michael on Thursday, August 21 @ 01:36:13 CDT (113 reads)
(comments? | Score: 0) |
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I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the
other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a
DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then
which one are you?'
And then the fight started.....
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Posted by Michael on Saturday, July 19 @ 10:03:32 CDT (106 reads)
(comments? | Score: 0) |
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31 Stories (4 Pages, 10 Per Page)
[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 ] |
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Got A Funny Joke? Need A Quote On Custom Trailer Trash T-shirts? Chat With Me!
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| The Queen Of Ma Doublewide |
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| Trailer Trash Reel Estate |
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| Everything Ya Need Ta Know |
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